Posts Tagged ‘Letting Go’

No-one told me snow fell so silently, brought silence with it, coated everything in silence, left silence in its wake. The silence allows space for the One, the I to observe, unobstructed by the surface chattering of ego self. All that is left is this gentle love, this silent and slightly amused awareness. Nice:)

Here I am mere days away from my next adventure! Last night I made myself a test batch of raw energy bars, using Brandon Brazier’s recipe from his book the Thrive Diet as a guideline and then adding my own stuff to it (hemp seeds, maca, sultanas). Had to use my blender as a food processor which is always interesting, because too fast and you’ve got baby food. Suffice to say…they turned out AMAZING, yay!Now I only have to make another seventy of them and I’ll be all good to go, hehe.

I have a black garbage bag full of clothes, shoes and items I’m letting go of. I’m streamlining my possessions. Discarding layers of material baggage, allowing myself to be light and flexible again. This is what it means to float, to drift like a seed on the wind, floating in trust until the time is right to settle in the Earth and let roots discover life beneath the surface.

So Nathan, what are you doing with your life?

Being

My father built the house with his own hands, my mother with her money. There are photo’s of me, less than a year old, sitting in the foundations. I have always lived there (even when I haven’t) and it has always been my rock of safety and security when life has been a wildly flooding torrent, threatening to wash me away.

It is for sale…

My father (I will call him Papa from now on) has turned the house into an unbelievably beautiful wellness centre. He has installed a yoga room, massage room and sauna. There is a swimming pool and a river running through the garden. Papa put so much time and energy into in and once he was done he realized that he wanted nothing to do with the running or maintenance of the whole thing. He has realized that he wants to simplify and slow down his life and a part of that is selling the house. He is 60 and ready to kick back and relax…fair enough!

When I heard about it initially I had many feeling come to the surface: anger, resentment, sadness, fear. I fully understand and respect Papa’s need to get chilled and surf more but the feelings of resentment were still coming up. I had a long chat with my sister Lucinda and she was feeling the same. In our conversation I started to say that for us to feel these feelings we had to be willing to take responsibility for our own wishes to keep the house. How can we feel upset with Papa when we are not willing to step in and help him carry the load?

After thinking about that a lot and then speaking with my brother Joshua I decided to offer to head back to South Africa and run the wellness centre, which would take the pressure off Papa and allow him to kick back and relax. The feelings of resentment and anger instantly faded; I was now taking responsibility for what I wanted and was willing to sacrifice for it to happen.

Notice anything worrying about that last sentence? the word ‘sacrifice’ perhaps?

Although I was willing to go back and run the wellness centre that would not be doing what my heart was asking for, it would be moving away from following my own dreams. Nothing in my experience of life’s lessons has taught me that that would be a good idea.

After taking part in a beautiful shamanic ceremony the following weekend, in which I was faced with my deepest fears and insecurities, I came to realize that I truly need to let go. Let go of my past, let go of my future, let go of material gain, let go of resistance to experiencing fear or anything else. Let go, perhaps, of my life-long home in Scarborough, let go of the memories ingrained in the wood and soil there, let go of the heavy Root holding me tethered and preventing me from truly soaring.

The feeling of lightness which has come with my letting go has been amazing. Suddenly it is ok for me to have dreams of timeless wandering, of learning from those who live with the land, of experiencing what it truly means to be a human in communion with the Great Mother. Suddenly I am again a limitless and angelic spiritual being having a physical experience.

Let go, breathe, allow, let go.